A Fortnight of Fun and Faculty Fear
by kukipye
Summary: (oh my, it's alliteration.) H.I.V.E. is a school. Schools have holidays. Nero comes up with activities to keep the students... suitably entertained. (While the faculty retreats to a bunker in case the students manage to wreak havoc.) As expected, the fab four (or rather, Shelby and Otto) can't resist sticking their noses where they don't belong. T for.. well.. meh.
1. Chapter 1

**...**

**...**

**I'm really quite ashamed of myself. I'm not sure how many of you follow/used to follow my old, old, old, stories, but truth: I don't think I'm going to continue them. Life got in the way, and I got distracted, and two to three years passed. And I haven't done anything about them, even though I ****_said_**** I would revamp them. **

**So. **

**I'm really, really sorry. But hey- if none of you were following it... well, then that's fine, because I'm not going to go on with them.**

**Don't go read them. They're... [cringes at the mere thought of old writing]**

**Now there's this one. Um. **

**Yeah, okay, I planned to finish this one before I uploaded it but I'm not really good at keeping promises (at least not to myself) so.. Hoping readers give the needed encouragement? [coughreviewscough]**

**One fortnight. ****Fourteen (quite short) days. Fourteen chapters (unless I get real lazy). Here we go~**

* * *

><p>It wasn't as though Maximilian Nero was unaware of the fact that schools have holidays – no, he was, in fact, all <em>too<em> aware of it. But he'd realised that term break was coming again (there really were too many school holidays, and they came with absolutely no warning) too late, and he'd had to prepare the faculty's hide-out, and come up with things to keep the students busy so they wouldn't cause any... damage, and ensuring that whatever activities he came up with were suitably 'fun' so students wouldn't complain and riot... and then there was the matter of transport and protection for the legacy students who were going home for the holidays...

School holidays came a little late that term.

* * *

><p>Shelby was not, by any means, a morning person. Sure, she got up way before Laura to pretty herself up, but that didn't mean she <em>liked<em> to wake up that early. It was just a beauty necessity.

For the record, Laura wasn't a morning person either. But Laura, being so much of an anti-morning person, had recently decided to sleep longer and skip breakfast altogether.

"Didn't scientists say that breakfast is 'the most important meal of the day'?" Shelby had questioned her when Laura had first told her of her plans to sleep longer and eat less. "Don't you believe in what scientists say?"

Laura had sleepily waved her off. "Not according to Laura Brand Research. And by that, I mean I conducted no research whatsoever." Then she'd buried under her blanket like a potato, giving Shelby no more opportunity to argue.

So when Laura finally made her way down to the atrium the first day of term break, the rest of her friends were already gathered on a couch and loudly arguing about whether Nigel should create a hedgehog so they could keep it as a school pet, and whether they should name the hedgehog Max or Francisco. Rather, Shelby and Otto were arguing loudly over Wing, who was sitting in between them. Heaven only knows why he didn't move.

Laura collapsed tiredly onto the couch, forcing Otto to move closer to Wing and forcing Shelby off the couch completely. Shelby clambered on top of the coffee table and settled down on it like a genie, not breaking her stride in her speech of why, exactly, Nigel should manipulate the genes of his scary plant thingy called... Magenta, was it? And make a hedgehog out of a plant and why they should name it Francisco.

Otto made dramatic hand gestures, accidentally bonking Laura on the nose and Wing on the chest. "_But_," he said frantically, "Nigel's hedgehog will probably become all huge and impale everyone with its pricky stuff. And we should call the hedgehog, if we have one, _Max_. Because Nero will think his precious Raven is looking for him every time someone calls for the hedgehog. And have you seen his face when he panics when he thinks Raven is on the search for him? It's hilarious."

Laura closed her eyes. It was holidays. They didn't have any lessons. This could go on forever. Then she opened her eyes again, noticing something out of the corner of her eye. Was that...

Shelby recoiled and her voice rose noticeably in pitch. "Ew. I don't even ship them. Ew."

"I didn't say that _I_ did. But admit it, Nero gets this weird expression, be it whether he's panicking because- well, it's _Raven_, or he's panicking because Raven plus yelling Nero's name means someone's coming to kill him, or he's panicking because he thinks we've done something again... admit it. His expression. Priceless."

Laura glanced at Wing to see if he'd noticed it. He appeared to be not-so-inconspicuously ogling Shelby, but Laura bet he'd seen it. He saw everything. He was a ninja.

"Yeah, yeah. But the hedgehog-"

"Eh, guys." Laura jabbed Otto in his ribs.

"Ow, Laura what was that for?"

Shelby glanced down at the Scottie. "What's up Brand?"

"There's a thing over there."

"The vending machine?" Shelby glanced at the thing and glanced back at her roommate.

"Yeah. That. That wasn't there before, right?"

"Don't worry about it. It's Nero's pathetic attempt to be 'fun'. For the holidays. We already checked it out. Coke, Sprite, Mountain Dew, other carbonated drinks, some teas, some juices, some chips, popcorn," Otto said.

"You guys checked it out without me?" Laura just about managed not to sound like a whiny nine year old.

Shelby kicked her in the shin. "That's what you get for sleeping in late, honey."

Laura pouted. "I wouldnae deny myself the pleasure of sleeping."

"Anyway, it's no fun. Nero said he'd give us fun activities. How is a vending machine even an activity? Nero's _so_ unfun." Shelby shook her head and tsked the headmaster.

"Maybe the vending machine will rear back and begin to consume all of us, like a twisted reverse process." Wing, finally speaking up, being uncharacteristically weird in his suggestion.

Otto looked at him. "Are you... drunk?"

Laura scoffed. "Aye. Drunk on Shelby. Wait. That came out odd."

Both the ninja and the wraith flushed deep, deep, reds.

Otto, being nice for once, changed the topic. "I swear, Nero gets his inspiration from Club Penguin. You know, how they always had these kind of stuff popping out all over the island when there was a special occasion..."

"Play Club Penguin much?" Shelby smirked.

The albino drew back defensively. "Everyone did."

"Aye," Laura sighed. "I did. I also hacked it to get puffles that a non-member couldn't get..." She sighed, reminiscing in her Club Penguin hacking days.

"But a thousand times lamer than Club Penguin," Shelby grumbled. "It's just a vending machine."

Wing looked completely confused. It was an adorable look on him. Poor un-pop-cultured child. Shelby reached over and ruffled his ponytail. "It's okay, Big Guy. I'll get Laura to hack the school network and show you it one day. I'm half-certain HIVEmind already frequents Club Penguin anyway[1]."

Otto perked up suddenly, jumping back into the previous topic with a splash. "Well. This whole 'fun activity' thing would be a whole lot more fun if..." he grinned diabolically. The kind of diabolical grin that only The Otto Malpense could pull off.

Shelby leaned forward, instantly hooked. This smelled of disaster and chaos. It smelled delicious.

* * *

><p>The glass door was grey with soot. A couple muffled curses emanated from the room. Laura slapped her hand on the sensor to open the door, and then peeked cautiously in. "Otto?" she asked hesitantly.<p>

For a moment, he resembled the Doc from Back to the Future. Wild snow-white hair, wild semi-shocked eyes, labcoat. He was surrounded by a bunch of test tubes and several containers filled with what appeared to be clear water. Knowing Otto, they were anything but.

"Otto?" she repeated, this time more in confusion.

He whipped off the goggles. His blue eyes seemed even wilder without them. "Yesssssma'am?"

"Which one is which?"

He sprouted a toothy smile. "That one over there does the truth thingy and that one does the love and that one does the drunk thing and that one does the high thing, and that one does the adrenaline rush." He poked a finger at each container respectively, accidentally sloshing some of the liquid out when he actually jabbed it. "Oopsie daisy lilac pansies."

"Otto," Laura sighed, settling down on a stool, "did you by any chance drink any of these?"

He shook his head vehemently. "I've been a'drinking the carrot juice I found in the vending machine." Otto waved his arm at a mug on the far corner of the table.

"Why does the vending machine dispense carrot juice in mugs. No, wait, why does it even dispense carrot juice. Why do people even like it. It's gross." Laura wrinkled her Scottish nose.

"I happen to be filled with wild desire for carrot juice. I put it in a mug so it would feel classier." Otto's whacked-up logic.

"The carrot juice would feel classier? Or you would?"

"Me. No, the carrot juice. I don't know."

Laura peered at the carrot juice in the mug. It was filled to the brim. But the liquid in one of the containers was suspiciously less than the others...

"By any chance, Otto, did you drink this one?" She picked up the container with less liquid.

"Never. Nevereverevernoooo..." Otto trailed off. "Actuallymaybeyes."

"Well. Okay. So. Which one is which?" Laura glanced warily at the identical, _unlabelled_, containers.

"I forgot."

They shared a long stare.

"It's not like we need to know the difference, right?" Otto said, desperately trying to cover up his mistake.

"Aye, Otto, sometimes I think you'll make the world implode just by trying to fix the coffee machine."

* * *

><p>Shelby grunted as Wing's fist landed just under her ribcage. Stepping backward, she brought her arms up in front of her and swung her leg up to (hopefully) knock Wing down. No such luck. He caught her ankle and flipped her backwards, and she prepared to land flat on her back. A split second before she did, an arm swooped underneath her and saved her from an undignified fall that would forcefully knock all the air from her.<p>

She looked up into his face. His eyes were brown, almost black, and so intense, and he was just so- _gah_. He propped her up, gently bringing her back to stand on her own two feet.

_No_, her mind protested. _Keep holding me like that – all bridal style and everything. _Her mind wandered off to the frivolous regions of Fantasy, where she and Wing were at a wedding – more specifically, _their_ wedding, and he was holding her exactly like that, and their faces would be only two freaking inches from each other and their lips would meet and-

"Do you need to rest?"

Shelby almost scowled. Way to ruin a girl's fantasy. But she was breathless, partly from the exercise and partly because of her fantasy, so she nodded, and they headed over to get a drink. Shelby beelined for the new vending machine Nero had installed in the area.

"All the drinks there are unhealthy," Wing announced.

"I know," she replied, hitting the button for Sprite. "But they might not be here long, and I intend to make full use of it, no matter how lame it is of a 'holiday activity'."

There was a pause on Wing's end. "When are you and Otto going to-"

Instantly, Shelby materialized in front of him, holding a can of Sprite and a finger to his mouth. "Shhh," she whispered. "The walls have ears." Then, taking a sip of her drink, "actually, they don't. But HIVEmind is everywhere, and he reports to Nero, so don't say it out loud. Nero will think it's 'too' fun and get in our way."

Wing looked utterly confused and a tiny bit scared, but at least he'd stopped talking about it.

Shelby drank some more of her Sprite and smiled. It made Wing's stomach butterflies do a waltz, and he smiled back.

Why wouldn't they just _kiss_ already. Gosh.

* * *

><p>HIVEmind lit up Nero's computer screen in his makeshift office in the Faculty Hide-Out Bunker.<p>

"Dr Nero," he said gravely, "there's been a threat against you."

Nero looked up into HIVEmind's eyes.[2] "Pardon?"

"I quote Ms Trinity, who said 'Nero's _so_ unfun.'" HIVEmind stared deep into the headmaster's eyes. "I think action must be taken."

"Yes..." Nero frowned at the disturbing piece of news. "I need to up the fun level."

"I cannot agree more." HIVEmind disappeared, leaving Nero to his thoughts.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Professor Pike poked[3] his head in. "Max," he laughed drunkenly, "come out! There's fun out here! There's no fun in here! It's so unfun in here! So unfun..." Just as suddenly, Pike retreated, leaving his door wide open. Nero stared at the open door. Open doors made him feel naked and exposed.

Sounds of party poppers and laughter and cans opening floated in.

The sound of Raven laughing floated in. Nero bolted upright and out of his seat, stepping out of his room.

Francisco was rubbing Tabitha on her stomach. Nero wasn't sure whether that was inappropriate or not, so he decided to ignore it. Pike and Ms Gonzales were waltzing energetically to imaginary music, and the professor continually stepped on her toes. Gonzales didn't even seem to notice. Meanwhile, Raven was playing darts with her alternate ego, laughing loudly whenever she split the darts by hitting the bulls eye every time.

"No, Raven! Stop winning!"

"Raven my dear, but I _can't_ stop."

Nero shook his head. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to allow Pike to bring in those crates of beer.

Slowly, he reached for the nearest can, opened it and took a sip. If you can't stop them, join them.

* * *

><p><strong>[1]<strong>**This sounds like a plot for a one-shot. Hmmm...**

**[2]****It was here that I realised that it would be fine to ship Nero and HIVEmind, but then again...**

**[3]****Pike poked. Pike poke. Pike poke. I ADMIT THIS WAS GOInG THROUGH MY HEAD WHILE I WROTE THE REST OF THE CHAPTER.**

**I didn't plan on the first chapter being so long... in fact, it was supposed to include more but I figured it was already pretty dang long and I should cut it off already.**

**Look out for the next chapter~~**

**((the first three chapters have been written up, so it's confirmed those will be there, at least))**


	2. Chapter 2

**Aye, this is chapter two.**

**I didn't intend for the first activity to drag on for two days, but it did. Ah, well.**

**Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:**

**Chapter Two. Day Two. **

* * *

><p>Nero sat up groggily and then instantly regretted it as pain split his head. It was kind of like that time when he... Nero scratched his chin. When he... oh yes. That time in Italy when he went for G.L.O.V.E. party and got extremely drunk and Raven had to help him back to the hotel. He'd woken up the next day feeling a lot like this. A hangover, it must be.<p>

Where was the powder room? He could feel the bile rising up his throat. Nero stumbled around the unfamiliar quarters. Ugh. Powder room. Where. Finally he came across a door that he figured would lead to the bathroom and stumbled inside, bending over the toilet bowl and heaving whatever was in his stomach out. God, it smelled horrifying. He smelled horrifying. A few moments dragged by as he leaned over the bowl and eventually Nero, too tired to do anything else, flopped inside the tub and fell asleep.

Twenty minutes later, the Colonel joined him.

And then Pike.

And Leon, and Gonzales and Tennenbaum.

So that's exactly where Raven found all of them, curled up peacefully in the bathtub like some extreme slumber party.

"I can't believe this," she muttered, because, of course, she was the only one to have magically recovered from drinking herself into a ridiculous state.

Although technically Tabitha hadn't even drunk anything... but she was a cat, and cats just liked to sleep, and there was this pile of warm matter (bodies) to sleep on, so why not.

Otto sat alone in the chemistry lab. "Well," he muttered to himself, looking at the chaos spread around him, "wouldn't it be fun to try out the effects of the love serum and the truth serum [1] at the same time on someone? Imagine it."

* * *

><p>Nero woke up surrounded by bodies. In a horror novel, those bodies would be cold and dead, but he wasn't the main protagonist in a horror novel, so these bodies were warm and slightly sweaty. Nero pushed Pike off of him with a groan. Ugh. Hangovers. He washed his face and rinsed his mouth, dragging his tired, hungover body out to the main room. Raven sat primly on the couch, watching television. As Nero neared her, he realised she was really watching... a blank screen. Was she still drunk, he wondered. He thought they'd run out beers after last night.<p>

"HIVEmind was looking for you," Raven said when he was close enough.

"Oh. Right." Nero turned around and headed into the study. He ran a hand through his hair in a futile attempt to look less dishevelled. HIVEmind had seen him in all states, but he was still the headmaster, and headmasters had a reputation to maintain.

"Good morning, Dr. Nero," HIVEmind greeted him.

"Raven said you were looking for me?" Nero settled down tiredly in his chair, rubbing his forehead.

"Yes. The students are still making disturbing remarks. Have you made any progress with upping the enjoyment level?"

"It's a fun level, and I'm going to get started on it right away. Is that all?" Nero glanced at the clock. 2:14pm. He'd taken one heck of a beauty nap.

"That should be everything. I'll make sure to inform you if anything crops up." HIVEmind blinked off the screen.

Sighing, Nero opened a new tab on his monitor, quickly selecting one of his 'most frequently visited' sights. That's right, ya'll – Club Penguin.

* * *

><p>Wing stared in horrification at the chaos that spread around him. The vending machines' glass were smashed in, mini fires had lit up around the area, and students were chasing other students. Block and Tackle were beating the absolute crap out of a PolFi student, and meanwhile other PolFis were sneaking can after can of the disgusting carbonated drinks from the vending machine, probably to use as a leverage over other students later. It was really quite amazing how the students would do anything for a can of that filthy stuff. Wing shook his head.<p>

Shelby snuck up behind the boy. In the midst of his wonderment and amazement of his fellow teenagers, Wing didn't notice her until she tapped him on the shoulder. He fought a blush that tried to creep up to his cheeks. Shelby was so... Shelby. She made him feel something that he had spent so many nights struggling to name, without trying to sound like a completely besotted romantic. In the end, he'd had no choice but to call it what it so obviously was. Love.

"Hey, Wing," she beamed. To the average passer-by, it would have just been an average smile, but to Wing it lit up her entire face and a lot of his face too. He couldn't help smiling back.

"Shelby," he greeted her.

If possible, her smile grew larger. "It's cray-cray. I didn't know this would actually happen." She gestured at the havoc.

"Indeed..." Wing stared at her staring at the bedlam in the atrium. Her blonde hair was escaping from her ponytail in wisps that framed her face perfectly. He resisted the urge to sweep them away like in some ridiculous romance novel.

Shelby laughed. "They haven't even consumed the concoctions. Just wait till that happens." The blonde let out an unexpected squeal of excitement. "It'll be so fun!" Then, grabbing Wing's hand, she pulled him away from the atrium.

* * *

><p>Laura peered at the computer screen, watching the chaos unfold in real time. "Otto, have you..."<p>

"Nope," Otto said, glancing at her quickly, and then back down at his notes.

"Are you sure?" Laura spun around in her chair to look at him. "They're going crazy out there."

"I know. But I had nothing to do with it, I swear."

"But it can't be just because the vending machine got stuck." Laura stared at him suspiciously.

"I had nothing to do with it," Otto insisted. "Block and Tackle just overreacted like their usual selves."

"Of course they did." Laura rolled her eyes. "Of course your potions had nothing to do with it."

"Was that sarcasm? I can never tell, sometimes your normal voice makes everything you say sound sarcastic..." Otto trailed off as Laura's eyes narrowed into a glare. "I take it back. Your Scottish accent is amazing. Scotties are awesome. You're awesome. Yes. There is obviously no-one better."

The door slid open. Both heads shot to face the people who walked in.

"See?" Shelby announced happily. "He's finally confessed, hasn't he? Yes. I can't believe I missed it, though. The next time Otto says he loves you, Laura, I'll make sure I'm videotaping it for your little red-headed kids."

"What." The expression on Laura's face was a mixture of embarrassment, and a whole lot of hope.

Otto's normally pale face had gone completely red, like how it did when he tried to run more than 3 miles in the Colonel's class. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Shelby. You're mistaken." Unfortunately, his mind went.

Shelby sighed. Typical Shelby wasn't embarrassed of her flubs. "Someday, Laura, I promise you, he'll get around to it. I'll make sure of it."

Otto saved both himself and Laura from certain Death By Mortification. "Funny, isn't it, Shelby, how you're so sure of other people's love lives that don't exist when yours isn't even settled? Or has she confessed? Wing?" The albino successfully flipped the table.

Ninja Boy stared back at Otto, then shifted his gaze uncomfortably to the ground.

There was a tense silence in the room.

Laura cleared her throat. "So... Shel... how's the situation, is there anyone under the influence yet?"

"Honestly," Shel flopped on the bed, "it's kind of hard to tell. It's just so crazy out there, some of them could definitely be on an adrenaline high, or under the aphrodisiac. But they could also have just gotten really crazy for junk food. Who knows."

"Technically, only a few of them should have gotten a taste of the serums, so far. I don't think many of them have cracked open a can. I think the entire PolFi stream is going to go kind of..." Otto let their minds fill in the blank.

"Crazeeeeee~" Shelby drew a spiral in the air. "Well. It's their fault after all. Hoarding the snacks to themselves." She tsked.

Wing cleared his throat, settling down in his deskchair opposite Laura. "But it's really our- or your fault. Seeing as you were the ones to spike the supply."

Shelby sat up. "Don't get too technical about it, Wing. We're never at fault."

There was a loud bang outside, sounding remarkably like a flashbang grenade. Wing winced.

Laura glanced at the computer screen. "The Henchmen have begun fighting the PolFis for the food. Needless to say..."

"The Henchmen are winning," Otto finished, making the two sound utterly telepathic and slightly creepy. "See, my friends, this is what being holed up in a volcano-boarding-school with only healthy food does to pubescent teenagers."

"True that, Snow White~" Shelby said.

* * *

><p>Block bared his teeth at a scrawny, undersized PolFi. "Give me da food,"[2] he hissed, spit flying into the poor PolFi's face. It really was no wonder why the kid wanted the snacks. He was puny.<p>

The PolFi, unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, decided that he was just as big, if not bigger than the Henchman, and growled back. Gee golly, it was turning into an animalistic fight.

Block swung a fist at the PolFi's face, contacting with a sickening crunch, and grabbed the chips. Then, apparently deciding that that was insufficient, slugged him in the stomach as well. And then walked away triumphantly, nodding at fellow Henchmen who were winning the Food War by- well, a lot, leaving the PolFi crumpled in a foetal ball on the atrium floor.

Now, duplicate this scene about one hundred times, and you have the result of the entire atrium. Duplicate that by ten, and you have the result of the entire school.

* * *

><p>"Otto," Laura warned, "you need to find a way to stop this, the Henchmen are winning. And adrenaline high, lovesick, drunk and high Henchmen is not something I want to deal with."<p>

Otto pouted. "I really thought the PolFis would put up more of a fight. Where are the SciTechs and Alphas, anyway?"

"The SciTechs were smart enough to hide away, and the Alphas... hey, where are they?" Laura's green eyes widened. "Crap. Crapcrapcrap."

Shelby threw her head back and laughed. "Not crap, Brand! It's going to be so much fun! It'll go down in history."

Wing watched the blonde roll around on the bed. "Haven't we already gone down in history too many times?"

"You can never go down in history too many times," Otto assured him.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Nero?" HIVEmind flashed onto Nero's screen. Four hours later, and he was still roaming Club Penguin. "We have a problem."<p>

"I realise that," Nero replied. It wasn't as though one could miss the sounds of destruction... although... the Faculty Bunker was supposed to be soundproof... He should get that seen to. He'd responded to the sounds of chaos leaking into the bunker by immersing himself in the land of virtual, colourful penguins. The faculty had responded by getting more drunk, because Pike had managed to create more alcoholic drinks somehow. So far no-one had disturbed him except HIVEmind.

"Are you going to do something about it?" HIVEmind was bordering dangerously on insubordination. One didn't simply question their master, after all.

"Of course. I've listed down several ideas," Nero told him, and proceeded to read them out.

"I suppose these would help to control the student population, and keep them busy enough to keep them from causing more chaos..." HIVEmind watched the headmaster uncertainly. Nero didn't look right. He looked... well, tired. His eyes were bloodshot and his usually impeccable hair was ruffled, like he'd run his hand through it too many times. Deciding not to say anything about it, HIVEmind disappeared, leaving the headmaster to his penguin.

* * *

><p><strong>[1] I wanted to say aphrodisiac and veritaserum. But. <strong>

**[2] This is, in actual fact, how Block and Tackle talk in the books... Mark Walden, you made me cringe at their speech. Ah, well.**

**Sorry for the abrupt ending, I felt the chapter getting too long again. Hope you've stuck with me through the first two chapters :3 (andalsothisonefeelslikeafillerchapterhahahahaoops) (anditappearsI'mnotgoodwritingchaos)**

**Apologies if the fab four have gotten OOC. :/ Also if it wasn't clear or anything, because I confused even myself (lmao) when I reread it, at first the PolFis were winning because they were sneaking away with the snacks and drinks, but then the Henchmen turned the tables by using brute force uh oh**

**Also sailorraven34, hmm... by that I meant that Raven developed a split personality when she was drunk, and so she was basically talking to herself while playing darts. (I don't really do PMs, heh) **


End file.
